family pictures

A few days ago, we hired our friend Meg Reilley to take some family pictures for our album and one to put in the 'about us' section of our website. Meg shot our wedding and also the author portrait in Enchanted Adornments. Above is the 'Totem Pole' pic, as we like to call it. We couldn't resist using the beautiful sugar-soft snow, especially since it was surprisingly warm outside. It rarely snows like this in Asheville, so we were pleased to have such a lovely backdrop.


Azalea and Max.




Snow baby!




Woodland girl.



My woodland girl, pretending to discover a snow baby. She's quite the actor, she loves dress up and games of pretend.


Greg posing as the dreamy forest king.


Let's get a closer look of that business.


Here's Andrew, looking pleased about something, maybe thinking about painting our next collaboration project, or his presents.

I am so happy with how the pictures came out! I think I'll have Meg shoot us again this summer. It would be fun to make props and costumes, like painted paper wings for Azalea and a bird boat for Max. I better start sketching now!

snow bird

I finished this wax master yesterday, its about an inch long and maybe an inch and a quarter between the wings. It looks big, but its nestled in Azalea's plump little hand. Remember it will shrink another 10 percent in casting, so imagine it even smaller! We're planning on casting it in silver and shibuichi and maybe one in gold for me, if its not too expensive (I love gold!). Hopefully, it will be done for Tucson, but looking at how slow we're moving, it might be closer to Bead and Button!

Anyway, I'm calling it 'snow bird' because of all the birds that are at the window feeders (Eastern Bluebirds, Sparrows, Finches, Titmice and Pileated Wood Peckers). They look so bright against the wintry backdrop of snow covered trees. The term 'snow bird' is usually given to those who travel south for the winter months. My grandparents left Missouri in October and came down to Orlando until spring. Now that I'm huddled up inside the house, layered in sweaters and shearling, I can appreaciate the idea. In fact, Hawaii sounds pretty dang good right about now. Ok, back to carving!

happy days

Whenever the camera comes out, my girl makes sure she's in the picture!


Greg and Max posing on the porch before heading out for lunch to the Corner Kitchen Cafe.

Daddy snuggling his baby.
Its quiet around here, days spent cuddling near the fireplace, watching old movies and munching Greg's delectable banana bread. I suppose this is the calm before the storm of work that's headed our way. The annual trek to Tucson is just a couple of months away and we try to bring new beads, fancy samples and a few limited editions. I've worked on the same piece for a few days now, a bird in flight with a hole in the tail and through the side of beak (so it looks like the bird is holding something, in this case a jumpring). I'm imagining it in necklaces as a link between sky colored opals or as a drop pendant with a teardrop of clear pink tourmaline. Its in the last stages of detail, as its too difficult for me to leave anything gestural, with lots of tool marks - I tend to want to carve every feather. Tonight is the last night I will let myself noodle away on it, since I can spend weeks on one piece if no one stopped me! This slow pace suits us right now, sketching Max while he sleeps, building wooden block castles or sipping hot chocolate while making big plans. These are times I will remember as the best of my life, simple and relaxed, our cares seeming far away.

gratitude

Maximus Prime! (that's what Sheila calls him).


My babies napping on the couch.


Me, looking haggard and Max like a sweet sugar puff, also resting on the couch, which is easily the most comfortable in the world.

Andrew posing in front of my favorite place...The Chocolate Lounge! There are so many things I am grateful for in this world, Greg, my babies, Andrew, chocolate, books and my friends (both internet and local). That statement, which sounds remarkably corny even to myself, is true on so many levels. I find myself dependant on those things to keep me from 'gettin' crazy' as we like to say. Take today for example: I get maybe 30 minutes to respond to emails (its a pain to type with baby in one arm...like now) and I find the rude message I talked about in the previous post. I quickly wrote the reply, then sat there wondering what to do, the first thing I thought of was to blog about it. Initially I thought some glassworkers might be interested in making them, but as I finished, I realized it was almost like phoning a friend to set me straight. I am deeply grateful there are folks out there willing to spend their time visiting my little world and offering kind words. Reading the comments lifted the heaviness that threatened to bog me down.

Life is starting to follow a rhythm around here. I'm getting used to Max's ways and am working around them. I've spent every moment he's asleep on designing and carving waxes, which feels a little like guerilla art making. Most of my time is spent watching old shows on hulu while I'm nursing baby, which makes it easier 4 in the morning!

my apologies

I just finished writing an email to a very angry person that purchased my book. Apparently, they felt it necessary to tell me how 'ripped off' they felt since they couldn't find the hollow beads in the Time and Memory project. Our good friend Shannon Hill used to make them, but recently passed away from lung cancer. The book was already in production when he died. I think of him everytime I wear the necklace and it makes me sad, but the memories of cutting up and trading stories always brings a smile. I recall how pleased he was with how I used his beads.

I'm surprised by the comment that I'm 'dangling candy in front of a child and not allowing them to eat'. So, I wonder if others feel this way. Now, I'm not asking anyone to get critical and really let me have it, as I might show my aggressive side (yes, shocking, I do possess a tiny bit of ferocity). I feel compelled to be incredibly angry that someone would speak to me that way, especially since I haven't been criticized like that in years. That makes me sound lofty, but folks generally treat me like an adult. The really annoying part is that I feel like a kid that has been scolded after attempting to make a gift. I do not enjoy this feeling, as it sits awkwardly in my soul. I responded politely, nicely informing them that I was looking for artists to make them. To cheer myself up, I think I'll enjoy Gregs amazing fudge. It has astonishing powers to alleaviate most agravations.

sweetness

Wooden nesting dolls I finished the night before Max was born. They are painted with acrylics and pearlescent pigments.


Me and Max, posing on the porch.


Two weeks old and getting bigger!

Look how sweet my babies are! Azalea is so nurturing and sweet, like a little mama.

Look at my girl, wearing her daddy's boots!

The last couple of weeks have been a blur of cuddling and hugging and not sleeping. Which for me, isn't a big deal, since I'm used to working at night. The hardest part is staying out of the studio! I'm torn between the desire to make stuff and the need to always hold my baby. Of course holding the baby wins! I've barely left the house and haven't stepped foot in my studio since my boy was born! I don't mind, I love this part of babyhood so much and its so brief. I feel like I was just holding Azalea in swaddling blankets yesterday.

We went out yesterday to the local Barnes and Noble, to see my book on the shelf (I know, I'm a corn nut) but to my disappointment, I couldn't find any. I felt slightly bummed out, because I couldn't stop wondering if they sold out, or if the store just didn't order any copies. Oh well, maybe I'll spot them at Malaprops or Borders.

Welcome home, Max!

These are a few of the first pictures taken right after my baby was born. We think he's pretty cute. I had been planning a trip to Columbia, SC to attend a doll show in the morning, to visit the booth of one of my favorite dolls, Ellowyne Wilde. Around four in the morning, I started to feel odd, sort of crampy and thought I might be experiancing some contractions you get during the last couple of weeks of pregnancy. About forty minutes later, I realized I was in labor. I guess the cramping every three minutes gave it away. We got ourselves organized and drove to the hospital, trying to figure out what to do with Azalea (since swine flu prevents visitors under 18) and we thought my sister would be here when I gave birth. It was stressful, but one of our friends was available (and awake!) and could take care of our girl. Thankfully, it didn't take long. I was in labor for three hours, then pushed for ten minutes and then my baby was in my arms at 9:14 a.m. Maximus James Ogden, weighing in at 8 lbs. 11 oz. came home at 6 p.m. Halloween day!

I've spent the last few days focusing on healing and breastfeeding. Its seems simple enough, but I've found it just as challenging as with Azalea. My midwife told me to stay in bed for a week, then stay at home for the next. I couldn't stay in bed, but I did stay in the house. Its really hard not to do the normal routine rituals, like checking emails and favorite sites, sweeping and fiddling with my supplies. It is easy to gaze at my baby, marveling at all the wonderful blessings that have come our way. Our family is so filled with love right now, we're fit to bursting with it. Azalea is an amazing big sister, always beside me, ready to help with Little Brother. I could go on and on about how in love I am, but I hear Max calling me.

Hello! This is the project Azalea and I were working on last week, a wedding dress for her doll, Sookie. She's begged for one for probably a year, asking nearly every time she looked at the doll. I let her choose the fabrics from my horde and was pleased she picked pieces leftover from my wedding dress (we will have been married five years on the 30th!). I used bits I had lying around, vintage glass pearls from Japan, rhinestone buttons clipped from an old purse and lace I picked up at an auction ten years ago. I think it came out pretty good, even though my sewing skills are limited and I didn't use a pattern. My mom would smile at my attempt and wonder why I didn't listen (she used to be a seamstress). She tends to be a perfectionist.

Here's a closer look, to see the little sapphire necklace Andrew made. I also repainted the doll to look like Azalea. At first, she was mortified to see I had stripped the dolls face of all paint, then gradually, she began to show signs of approval. Oddly, she is very much like my mom - difficult to please. I took my time, but honestly, I am terrible at likenesses! Greg draws them easily, without much effort, but it seems like my eyes are skewed and it takes a lot of looking before I come close. Its something I've been working on. Onto the next project! I'm on a role now, sleepy or not and am determined to be as productive as possible!

Hello! Here's a pic of Azalea, Suni and I, lined up at what looked like the entrance to another land. The weather here in Asheville is so perfect right now, too lovely not to go out and enjoy it. Things are looking up (thanks to all who sent blessings my way) and I'm beginning the next stage of this tumultuous experience. I guess its surrender. I've stopped fighting the impulse to wallow and just let myself do it. I sat there, acknowledged the pain and swollen limbs and accepted that this is temporary. That so much is ephemeral and too fleeting, that these moments will serve to heighten the happiness, by its contrast. This is a known thing, a proven thing, but the truth in this is sometimes easily overlooked. It has taken a few wise folks, to gently remind me that this will pass and all will be well. So, I let go of my guilt (guilt at my lack productivity, guilt for not making more for the baby, guilt for letting Greg do so much....) and let myself be. Which led to an unexpected project... I made something for Azalea, something she's long asked for, but I never had the time to make. I let her help me, giving her small tasks and let that time, quietly crafting together in the afternoon sun, be just for us.

sink or swim

I am firm believer in this notion, but once in awhile its hard to keep my head above water. I've felt myself floundering, felt myself slipping beween apathy and panic in a space of a breath. Its a strange feeling, this disconnectedness to my life. I've submerged myself in all the comforts that usually center me. I keep my hands busy every waking moment, listen to audio books and eat my favorite treats...but I can't help feeling oddly tethered. Just not to myself. My midwife asked if I was depressed and I didn't have a clear answer. I sleep most of the time now and try to be productive when I'm awake, but its difficult to get motivated for even the simplest chores. I looked around my studio today and couldn't believe how much I used to finish in a few hours what now takes days. I thought back to just a few months ago and how hard I was working and it seemed like that was a different person. Is that person on hiatus, just slumbering, waiting to emerge for when they are really needed? Or is this tired, husk of a girl really who I am now? Really, it doesn't matter, because I know this fog will burn off and I'll wake up and resume course.