Wednesday, October 14, 2009
sink or swim
I am firm believer in this notion, but once in awhile its hard to keep my head above water. I've felt myself floundering, felt myself slipping beween apathy and panic in a space of a breath. Its a strange feeling, this disconnectedness to my life. I've submerged myself in all the comforts that usually center me. I keep my hands busy every waking moment, listen to audio books and eat my favorite treats...but I can't help feeling oddly tethered. Just not to myself. My midwife asked if I was depressed and I didn't have a clear answer. I sleep most of the time now and try to be productive when I'm awake, but its difficult to get motivated for even the simplest chores. I looked around my studio today and couldn't believe how much I used to finish in a few hours what now takes days. I thought back to just a few months ago and how hard I was working and it seemed like that was a different person. Is that person on hiatus, just slumbering, waiting to emerge for when they are really needed? Or is this tired, husk of a girl really who I am now? Really, it doesn't matter, because I know this fog will burn off and I'll wake up and resume course.
Posted by Cynthia Thornton at 3:29 PM