Here's a new wax master that's almost finished. It needs to be cleaned up, so the details are tight.

Small victories

The processes of artists is often portrayed as a blissful or tempestuous state, steeped in emotion, the product of deep yearning. While this might be true of say, Andrew Wyeth or Jackson Pollock, it hardly bears resemblance to the way my work is made. I draw or paint, making things I'm not sure have any meaning, let alone the truths Andrew Wyeth says artists should unearth. I look, draw, observe some more, daydream about whatever it is I'm sketching and wonder all the while if I can make what I'm drawing or if the drawing itself is worthwhile.

The real work of an artist is in that space where the first tentative attempts are made and the later ones that fall short of perfect. This space of time is so frustrating, so blood boilingly annoying. How I hate to return to the drawing board - to figure out a hinge, to get a tiny piece to cast or to fix resin that refuses to set up. I have a pile of projects in various states of 'almost there', so close, but for a few hours (days, weeks, months) of work.

The moment when a piece comes together, after so many hours hunched over, after making it over several times, is actually pretty damned blissful. Those few moments of utter happiness when a piece is examined and found without flaw...it's a bone deep satisfaction.

So now I'm sitting in front of a pile of things that need more work, or that have to be sculpted from scratch (again). Sometimes it's the thought of painting the last dot in the eye, or seeing a flawless resin piece pop out of a mold that keeps me in the studio.
That desire to create something beautiful, something that will transmit an idea perfectly, is a bewitching force. The thought of small victories, overcoming a difficult material or finding the perfect color is enough for me. Better get some coffee on.

advice

The words of encouragement and advice that I received last week was uplifting and in some cases, downright funny. My mom says (with a heavy Filipino accent) 'if you stop wearing the dead colors, you might look alive! You have a long time to lay down in the ground. Why start now?!'. A friend suggested that a good, stiff drink would fix me right up. Good dark chocolate is supposed to work. Along with aromatherapy, massage and chicken soup. Azalea couldn't understand the concept of 'feeling blue' and wondered aloud why I just didn't try to feel pink or purple instead.

I realized she was right. Why indeed? So, I put on a pink shirt and red shoes. I made a drink with a shot of whipped cream vodka, Godiva liqueur, salted caramel syrup and soda water. I ate a good part of a bag of Bliss chocolates. Made a batch of blood orange fruit de pâté and chicken soup. I turned in a groupon spa package and allowed myself to get pampered.

Then, I busted out the tools and got to work. I ignored the draggy feeling, the dreaded sluggishness and plowed on. I made a little face to go with a wool felt creature I needle felted. I made some tiny waxes for the upcoming miniature show. I felt better. Not great, but progress nonetheless.

The life of a self employed artist sounds easy - no meetings, no set hours, no boss and one chooses what to do with the day. It IS nice, but there is a lot of work involved, a lot anxiety and sometimes frustration. Sometimes all those little things add up and it's hard to feel in control. It's good to step back, look at the situation and come at it from a different angle. Like a piece of stone that has a vein of really hard rock running through and all the sharpest tools just can't get through that area. Rather than continue hammering on the spot, flip it and go at it from the side, or back.

I'm treating this part of my life like a ruby or sapphire, hard and beautiful, but easy to carve with patience and a focused vision.

Have you ever had a space of time that seemed fraught with every aggravation and disappointment you could think of, plus more that you didn't? Well, the last couple of months have seemed like the same day happening over and over, overcast and dull, with lots of things going wrong. The equipment breaking, the cars falling apart, pieces ruined, people acting like entitled children AND my beloved little bird Mochi dying.....it's enough to make a person fall down under the weight of it.

I've had to read letters listing how I should run our business, how to do this and that, the result leaving me sad and tired. I know everyone is entitled to their opinion, but why do people think its their right to criticize with abandon, yet gawk at the rudeness if the same questions are asked of them? I realize there is always room for improvement, but there are boundaries. Surprisingly, I am not a stone and am hurt by hard words.

I could list a hundred other things that have pressed down on me, deflating my spirit, but in the end, its all just the same inconsequential stuff that happens to everyone. I think it would be easy to stop trying, afraid to do anything for fear of failure or criticism and admittedly, I haven't felt like doing much more than the necessary. Maybe things will be better tomorrow.

Kitty fish

Here's a prototype of a paper doll I'm working on. It's my cat Frick, the biggest, most beautiful cat ever. This is a quick little drawing, with a wash of watercolor, so i can test the posability. The final painting will be in egg tempera, so I can get all noodly, painting each scale and paw pad. I think this kit needs two, maybe three on a print. A kitten would be dang cute.

Lockets

Here's a sneak peek at a project I've been working on for some time. I'm currently perfecting the hinge and closure, so it's sturdy and secure. I can't wait till its finished!

New Work

Hello! The annual Tucson shows have come and gone and we are just now catching up with the mountain of work that awaited Greg. If you haven't received your order yet, don't despair! Greg and the crew have been bustin' it to cast and finish all that shiny goodness, so everything should be going out this week.

On a less stressful note, here's a look at the goods that debuted at the shows this year. I think we had a particularly nice yield this round and am very interested to see what folks do with these pieces (especially the swirly centerpiece!). I was inspired by ancient artifacts and microscopic plant structures.

They will be available at the show this weekend in Minneapolis, at The Twin Cities Bead Bizaare (http://www.beadsbydee.com/tweenies.html )
Some of the coins are in my etsy shop and will become available as I make them.
The pewter will be online when Greg gets a chance to upload the goods to the site. Until then, stop by and look at all the pretty new goodies!

Side projects

Most folks know that Greg pretty much runs things around here, casting, filling orders and going to shows. But many don't realize he is an artist as well (we first met in art school) with a distinct style and interests outside metals. He always has some project or other in the works, an animated short, drawings or a poem. Right now he is almost finished with an illustrated book, one drawing away, in fact. We are so excited. He's at the turning point when the decision to share the work and release it into the world, or to put it on the shelf and make something else. When I first started, it felt odd to spread my little sculptures on a table, waiting to hear what things people had to say. It was also awkward to hang work that had been slaved over, agonized over, then displayed for strangers to look at and comment on (or not). It's never easy. I've grown a thick hide over the years, built from thousands of remarks, mostly good, but some, especially from those closest to me, scathing. Of course, none could be more harsh than the critic within. So, right now I'm pleased as can be, since in a few hours the last drawing will be done and then the quest for sharing it with the world begins.

Winter warmth

Last year, if you were to tell me I'd be spending Christmas with all my siblings and their partners, with my parents, I would've smiled and said it would be nice, but unlikely. There was always a sense of sadness surrounding our family, as if one could actually see a cut out of the missing element. My folks seemed perpetually distant, especially around the holidays. So this year, our lucky year, we decided to celebrate together, since such a thing hadn't happened in two decades. The week was filled with lots of stories, food and games. Since my older brother returned things are different, my parents are happy, my mom smiles a lot....it's like we released a breath that we hadn't realized we were holding. Of course, some things never change, I'm still bossy, mom pushes Andrews head when he says something 'smartymouth' and my dad still drones on about genealogy. The best part of the trip was seeing my family interacting so naturally together, as if we had never stopped, as if the new faces had always been there. I didn't take a lot of pictures, since Andrew carried his fancy camera everywhere, but I took a few that I was happy with. The following we're taken at Blue Springs State Park. I was especially pleased that there were more manatees, gator pikes and alligators out and about than I have ever seen. I guess we were just lucky.

Azalea's Paper Dolls

Look how cute these paper dolls are! My girl likes to do whatever I'm doing, so while I was painting away on a witch paper doll ( with a jointed cat that looks like Frick) she made these ladies. I love how detailed they are, with movable tails and whatnot.

The smaller girl is named Coraline and she is a cat person that enjoys sushi and mice. The mermaid is named Ani and she likes clams, oysters and fried eels.

I like listening to the stories she comes up with while she's coloring. It reminds me of when I was kid and how much fun it was to fall into a world completely.