Tuesday, March 24, 2009

This shot of me sculpting was taken when I just started work on my book. I feel so different from the person in the picture, like a shift happened somewhere, that changed me.

But some things never change, like my love for beautiful things. I bought this last week at a shop near Waimea Falls, thinking how good it would look on my already cluttered desk. I'm sitting at an empty desk now, at the Interweave apartment, in Colorado, thinking how much has changed in a few short months. Certainly not my obsessive collecting, but something I can't quite describe. I've been wondering at this niggling feeling all day, what about me is different? Its many things, I suppose. Its sadness that the project is coming to an end, its joy, too, for the same reason. I think there is a part of me that can no longer ignore my dreams, that they can no longer be put off, till there is more time. I've long wanted to write and illustrate childrens books and working on this project has brought that to the surface.
I suppose I'm at a crossroads. I love and hate the feeling. I am deeply uncomfortable with change, but I also embrace the idea, even though its frightening. I'm not saying I'm going to abandon Green Girl Studios (that would be like removing an eye!) but I feel like sharing the stories I've been carrying around for so long. Is this silly? Does anyone else feel pulled toward daydreams? I've always followed my intuition, trusting the universe to guide me. So, I'm going to do it. I'm going to write my stories, draw and paint the illustrtions and pray when I send them out into the world, they are worthy of printing.

16 comments:

Andrew Thornton said...

Good luck. I can imagine that this must be a very interesting time for you. I'm sure that you'll be a success at whatever you do. Don't forget that your family will always have your back and that when you go it... you're not going it alone.

Lorelei said...

Cynthia, YOU GOT THIS!!
You should absolutely follow your instinct and if this is the direction you're being pulled in, go with it!
Good luck, I know you'll be super successful!

Andrew Thornton said...

I have my octopus on my cluttered desk too!

Gaea said...

Dream big! Isn't there room for it all? I can only imagine how amazing your children's book's would be! A series. No? That way you wouldn't have that sweet/sour feeling... Just hoping.

nina said...

honey, we talked about this when i was visiting last month (was it really that long ago?!). you HAVE to follow your heart, it is the wisest part about you, and the truest as well. that is for everyone, i think - we all need to follow our heart. you are such an incredible artist, in so many mediums, and to think of being able to purchase books written and illustrated by you makes my heart skip a beat. seriously. please listen to yourself, and realize that you are experiencing growing pains. they hurt a little, but are also very helpful, positive little twinges. or, big twinges.
i am very, very proud of you, beautiful cynthia. xoxo

Janet said...

How can one deny what is emerging? You cant. You cannot be stunted or deny to yourself what you can do and want to do. The joy that will come out of the art and stories you will produce will envelop you like love that will always flow.
It will be such a happy road Cynthia!
Janet xx

Eva said...

Do it! And know what? Even if they don't end up published, you'll still have done something you dreamed of doing just by creating them. And Brandon and I will read them to our baby, if nothing else, so you'll have an audience no matter what.

SummersStudio said...

I've always told my daughter that you must believe in yourself and follow your dreams. Denying that only leads to emptiness in a part of you. Best wishes for the fullfillment of your dreams.

hint said...

This is so poetic and I feel deeply connected to this longing you are speaking about. Bravo! I say enjoy where your intuition is leading you...write, play, illustrate, tell stories. I can wait to visit your books to come :)

Shannon said...

You would make fabulous books. I love the few paintings you show on your site. Especially the girl on the beach with all the stuff in her bag. I absolutely love that! I'm going to buy a print for my birthday very soon.

LADY ROOTS said...

Sistren Cynthia,

Peaceful greetings from Jamaica.

I pray you find the courage to present to the world the gift of your children's books.

Our youth need hope and a reason to keep facing the bleak future that has been outlined for them.

Your artistry, your creativity and your warmth can give them that hope.

Bless Up,
Lady Roots

Jean said...

I am looking at your face and your body and the way you are holding yourself...I see a wave -- a wave is very powerful and you must not worry. You will be going in many directions but all of them will be RIGHT! I know you have a thing about water...but that is OK. we all come from water, and many of your beads reflect this. all love, jean

cagrowngirl said...

I have regretted that I have not followed my intutition sooner BUT now that I have...I am happier. Lighter and people are attracted to me because I have something that they desire in the them. I don't think it is silly. Follow your intution, your heart. My daydreams are what kept me going and keep me going to this day. I wish you the best!!

heatherwynn said...

you are incredibly gifted with talents Cynthia. I am in awe of your beatifully facteted life. A brilliant mother, wife, and artist.
The world needs to read your stories. Dont just follow your heart, lead it. :)

Cynthia Thornton said...

Thank you, everyone for such encouraging words. I am deeply moved by all the support! I feel less intimidated by the idea...more excited! Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to send such good wishes my way!

Softflexgirl said...

You are undoubtedly talented and creative and I am positive that you will excel in any artistic pursuit. So, I would not worry too much if I were you. :)